For Now I’m Okay With Being Okay

I can still remember the day when I first met you. I was not attracted to you. I came up with a lame excuse not to spend time with you. I wanted to go home and was not planning to talk to you again. But when you texted me, I replied. I gave you a chance and let you into my life.

I thought you’ll just be a temporary person, a passer-by. I never knew that you would shake my core being. You became my rock, you shaped me to become the better version of myself and you left me for someone else. You made me feel something wonderful that I’ve never experienced in my life before. You made me addicted to you and I craved for you every single day. God, you genuinely made me happy and felt loved. I dreamt of spending the rest of my life with you. I worked very hard to give you the kind of love you deserve and to be deserving of you.

But you put a dagger straight to my chest. You created a void in my heart that I have to deal with for the rest of my life. You taught me what love is and how heartbreak feels like. You were like a tornado, you left me devastated and lost. I chose you over and over but just when I’m capable of loving you whole-heartedly and bravely, you chose someone else. You taught me that love is never fair. True love, patience and efforts will never guarantee success. You made me question my worth and doubt every man’s intention. I almost wished not to live another day again without you in my life. I lost faith in love and in men.

I’m still trying my best to forget you, if that is even possible. I’m trying to learn how to live without you and divert my attention to some other things. I cannot count the number of letters that I have written for you and I still don’t have the courage to delete them. Maybe the best that I could do for you is to just let you go and wish for your happiness wherever you may be. Someday, I’ll be fine without you in my life anymore. Someday, I will meet someone else who can love me back and who is sure of me. Someday, someone will be afraid of losing me. Someday, someone will see how rare my love is and will feel so blessed to have me.

But for now, let me just cry for one more night.

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