This is Why I Let Go of You

Some say, if you want to destroy yourself, fall in love with someone deeply and watch him love someone else.

It has been more than a month since I wrote you a letter. I still think about you, I’m still mad about you, I still cry for you and I still love you.

I still look at your pictures. I still read your emails. I still miss you. I’m still looking for you in other people. I still care about you. I still cry over our broken dreams and promises. I still ask myself, “Where did I go wrong?” and “Why did he choose her over me?”

I drove myself crazy thinking about you, about us and what could have been us if only you have chosen me. I dreamt about you, kissing me and telling me how much you love me. I tried to stop myself from texting or calling you for so many times, no matter how much it hurts me. My dreams are still all about you, my letters are still all about you, and my thoughts are also still all about you.

I had to let go of you because I love you. I’m not asking you to choose me or choose the life with me. I gave you the chance to be loved by someone else, who could love you better, who could make you happier.

I tried to put all my efforts just to show how much I love you. I tried to change for you, made myself a better person so I could love you better, selflessly and deeply. I tried to change your mind, to give me one last chance to love you and your son enough, that it could last a lifetime. But all of it wasn’t enough, you decided to give your former lover the chance that I was hopelessly waiting for for more than a year.

I’m not a selfish person. I chose your happiness over mine. Here I am, deeply scarred, watching you choose someone else, watching you fall in love with someone else. I have to live with the pain, get through each day til I forget that I ever loved you. Maybe, I meant to be loved and found by someone better because that’s what I deserve. Maybe I met you to help you find the right woman for you.

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