Half a Year

I woke up this morning thinking of you. It has been 6 months since the day we broke up. I thought that I’m already okay, that I have moved on from you. But with just a thought of you, my heart is pounding loudly and my chest is expanding. I always go back to that day when I was crying in front of you.

I have a big ego but I begged you to choose me instead.

I am a happy and funny person but you were the only person who made me cry for countless times.

I am an intelligent person but I never found an answer to why you did not choose me.

I met a lot of guys. I liked this one guy but he has other women lined up. I am crying because of frustrations. If you did not leave me, we could have been happy together. We could have been growing in love instead of me looking for another guy to love. We could have been building our future together instead of rewriting my love story all over again. I could have been reading all the pages of the book of your life instead of choosing another book of someone’s life to read.

I never wanted to meet anybody else. I was contented with you and to spend the rest of my lifetime with you. I never wanted to love someone’s flaws and cherish someone’s good qualities but yours. I never wished to start all over again without you. I never wanted to hear someone’s stories, deepest thoughts, wildest dreams, fears and regrets but yours.

I just wanted to love every inch of you. I wanted to see you mad so I could calm you. I wanted to see you sad so I could make you happy. I wanted to see you cry so I could comfort you. I wanted to see you afraid so I could protect you. I have no other choice because you are the only choice. I will choose you over and over until you find no reason to leave me anymore. I will work hard to give you the finer things in life and to be deserving of you. I will be your rock when you’re down and I will sacrifice my own joys just to see you happy.

I’m still hurting but I cannot bring myself to hate you anymore. I don’t have the heart to hate you. I know that when I see you again, I still love you, always have and always will.

I wanted to reach out to you but I know that we cannot go back to the way we were. You created a large crater in my heart that no other guy could repair. I lost my ability to trust, to love deeply and to believe in love. I hate it when I meet different guys, get frustrated and at the end of the day, my heart and my thoughts always go back to you. I compare every guy to you and convince myself that I can never love someone that way again.

I have to let you go. I have to accept the fact that we can never be together. I just need time and hope that time could make me forget you or that I ever loved you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *