Many people would consider having a big heart as one of the characteristics that they want in a partner. For them, it is one of the keys to lasting relationships. Like most people, I also believe that there is nothing that can go wrong with people who have so much love in their hearts to give. They are the rare gems in this world that we only get to meet once in our lifetime if we are lucky enough.
Fortunately and unfortunately, I am one of them. I almost blamed God for giving me a good heart that gives multiple chances to people even if they have proven that they no longer deserve it. I had my heart broken so many times for I only know how to love unconditionally. I gave a kind of love that one does not have to doubt and one would know that it is indeed love.
I believe that people still have goodness within themselves and sometimes, they only need second chances to make things right. I believe that you cannot change people and you can only love them. I believe in traditional kind of love. I still write love letters, put efforts in making someone feel special and fight for someone I truly love.
I almost hated myself for being a good person. Having a big heart gave me nothing but sleepless nights, buckets of tears and series of heartbreaks. I almost stopped loving someone again to protect my heart from another pain. I tried to close my heart and numb myself from feeling any kind of love. I put in all of my efforts to become a douchebag who is not capable of loving. I wanted to seek revenge as compensation for my bleeding heart. I wanted to hurt people who also hurt me and took me for granted. But I’m not a bad person and I don’t have the heart to hurt people.
I embraced myself and accepted the fact that there are people who would not know how to love me. It is not their fault and it is not my responsibility to teach them how to. I just stopped wasting my time with people who are just into playing mind games. I stopped chasing people who don’t want to be with me. I stopped begging for love, respect and attention. Life is too short to chase someone who does not want me.
I reserved my heart for someone better who will come along one day. I know that all the pain that I have experienced are not in vain. They were just challenges that I have to conquer. They were there to make me stronger and make me value myself even more. Being a good person does not mean being a doormat. I learned to dedicate my time to people who are worthy of my love and attention. I learned not to be somebody’s backup plan anymore. I learned how to say no when it’s already hurting me. I learned not only to love others but to love myself too. In one way or another, the universe will give us back everything that we give to others. Likewise, being a nice person does not cost anything.